Although the essay has three distinct paragraphs dealing with what you consider three different causes or explanations of the love between Romeo and Juliet, and therefore it is obvious that you have put some thought into its organization, your writing does tend to meander quite a bit. The last paragraph is an entanglement of loosely related ideas that seems ultimately to confuse the fictional world of Shakespeare's imagination with the real world. The paragraphs devoted to the elucidation of different aspects of the love shared by the protagonists seem the product of free association and invention rather than close analysis of the text. In short, you seem to make a lot of stuff up, stuff that sounds reasonably close to the kind of things that might go on in the supposed minds of the characters, but stuff nonetheless that does not actually exist anywhere in the play.
Consider your paragraph on the physical attraction between the lovers. It begins with a long but very loose paraphrase of the supposed thoughts which were going through the mind of Romeo at the time" he first sees Juliet. The only important thing I have to communicate to you in this review is the following fact: you have no access whatsoever to any thoughts going through Romeo's mind at any time beyond the lines the characters are given to speak and the actions Romeo is given to perform. So your task is to quote those lines and refer to those actions and, crucially, interpret their significance. In this paragraph on physical attraction you do quote some lines, but you don't interpret their significance. You leave that up to your reader. That seems a bit unfair. You are the one writing the essay, so it's your job to do the work of interpretation. Moreover, you misquote Romeo; that is to say, you leave out some of the words from the quotation without indicating that you are doing so. Here's the full quotation, with a few additional lines:
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